ASL PLS??

We have heard a ton of love stories. Sometimes we wish that someday our love story would have the same twist or BETTER. There are the classic love stories, childhood sweethearts, enemies turned lovers, long distance romance, and the never dying Romeo & Juliet love affair. But as the time pass by, new love types of love stories appeared. One of these is what I call “cyber-love”. I call it cyber-love because they met in the mysterious place, the cyberspace

Joseph Walther gave a new theory to the communication world and that is Social Information Processing Theory (SIP). This theory talks about how one form of information that is being process by a receiver. Moreover, this information is not in verbal form. It’s more one text, just like in emails, SMS or computer mediated communication (CMC). This form of communication is, however, being discouraged despite the fact that it can be beneficial in some ways. Some communication scholars discouraged using CMCs in building relationships. They say that feelings and sincerity cannot be seen in CMCs because non-verbal communication plays an important role in showing how you feel. A person can send a message to his friends saying “I AM HAPPY!” but while writing this that person had prepared his gun right beside him. We can’t see the expressions of his face and his gestures. But Joseph Walther says that the non-verbal cues during a CMC situation does not affect the impact and the content the information has. He conducted an experiment about this, and concluded that face-to-face conversation has an equal amount of information acquired with computer mediated communication.

Time was also an issue with this theory. A 5-minute face-to-face conversation can go a long way. Your topics could have gone from Philippine Government to Animals to Life and to other things. But in CMC, these topics could be tackled within a week or so. Yet Walther defends his theory by saying, if the person send more messages in one time then they could talk more and gather more information. Also, the person can “savor” the information given to him and make use of his imagination to create an image. Then, this person will anticipate more in their future interactions and exchanging of ideas.

Walther also talked about the Hyperpersonal Perspective. This is more about the intimate relationship that started in CMC. He classifies four things that happens during a CMC; sender-receiver-channel-feedback. The sender can choose how to portray himself. He could act nice or naughty as he pleases. The receiver process all information given by the sender and looks for the similarities they have that they could possibly talk about in the future. Channel, however, is the time that is convenient to both parties to communicate. Lastly, the feedback could determine if the person would like anticipate for another conversation with that particular person. If the receiver’s expectations we met by the sender, there is a chance that they might build a relationship together.

I am not really against having cyber love, it’s just that one can fake who he is when facing the computer. But then again, I could never be too sure with that.

DEAR LOVE

I have this certain close friend who I will never forget. We were still in our first quarter in sixth grade when their family decided to go to Manila and stay there. Of course, as close pals we were sad that we won’t be hearing from each other in awhile (no cell phones, no YM, no FS. NO NOTHING). She gathered all her closest friends in their house before the day that they would be leaving. We talked, laughed and promised each other that nothing would change. Before we said our goodbyes, she started handing out letters. She gave me one too. There’s this line in from letter that she gave me that I’ll never forget. She said, “Life is an onion: we peel it off on layer at a time and sometimes we weep while doing this.”

Social Penetration Theory was formulated by Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor. The authors describe the personality of each person as a multilayered onion. Each layer has a different secret and story that is waiting to be peeled or penetrated. We don’t directly open up and share our stories to any person we meet in a street. We don’t go, “’Hi, I’m Iva! My parents just got divorced!” or “Hi! My favorite color is Magenta!” Opening up takes a lot of time and this theory somehow explains how each layer of our multilayered personality peels off and its process.

We tend to open our secrets or our life stories to those people who we are comfortable with. Those that we think that can do us no harm or those people whom we build a close relationship already. Every time this relationship goes deeper the more topics you’ve talked about and shared with each other. The authors of this theory gave an example, an onion and a wedge. The onion would represent us and the wedge would be the person you’re building a new relationship with. So each time this wedge goes deeper inside the onion, the more layers it has passed. Moreover, the wedge has pierced a large part already in the onion. In the same way, if we open up to one person, we allow them to go deeper and let them explore our lives. Every time we allow a person to know us more, we should be cautious to what we are divulging. Not all stories should be told.

This theory somehow helped me understand why I tell my friends certain things, but I don’t tell it to my other friends( even though I have a tight relationship to both of them). To tell you honestly, I am not a what-you-see-is-what-you-get. I my look like one, but I’m not. I may look a shallow pond, but I am a sea waiting to be explored.

This Christmas…

I asked Santa to give me a perfect little present. I asked him to kiss me in my cheek as he leaves our humble home. I also asked Santa for a bag with a house in it, and inside the house ,a boyfriend that awaits for my arrival. I believed in Santa for years and he has never let me down. But, this Christmas was different. WAY DIFFERENT. I was so excited to open my presents that morning. I can’t wait to see what Santa gave me. But as I search under our Christmas tree, I found nothing. NADA! I lost hope. ALL MY EXPECTATIONS WERE DOWN THE DRAIN. Santa has let me down. Char lang! XD

Judee Burgoon, a communication scholar, introduced the Expectancy Violations Theory. EVT is a theory that somehow explains how we react or respond to any message conveyed to us when our personal space is being invaded. She describes personal space as an "invisible, variable volume of space surrounding an individual that defines the individual’s preferred distance from others.” (EM Griffin, pg. 84). When this invisible boundary is violated, their expectancy can also be violated. If you cross the space of person, he can have two reactions—either positive or negative. This theory has three core concepts, namely; expectancy, violation violence and communicator reward valence. I shall explain these core concepts briefly.

Expectancy. From the word itself, we have a picture of something that should be followed or like rules. We expect different things from others or from the one we are communicating with. Then these expectations can affect our response. In example, during a Christmas party, you met a new friend. Now this person is so near your face that you could actually see his pores. I bet you would feel invaded or very uncomfortable. But if the person you were talking to was your boyfriend or someone special, you would not mind if he is too near, or you might even like it.

Violation Valence. I bet we all heard the word valence. We encountered this word in our Chemistry classes. But Judee Burgoon gives it a little twist. Violation valence is the summation of all the violation that a person does to you during your communication. Going back to my example, the first person violated your space and some other personal things. so overall, this person has created a bad impression to you and you don’t like to keep in touch with him and just forget the awful conversation you had. But if your boyfriend or special someone did some violations during your conversations, you might even look at it as a positive thing and you might mind. You’d look forward in meeting again and catching things up.

Communicator Reward Valence. This last core concept talks about the benefit that the communicator gets after the conversation and its impact on their future meetings and talks.

Like all of us, this theory though has its flaws but the author tries to improve it. That’s why it still a theory.

So that’s about it! That’s how I understood EVT.

This year, I expect you to......

So, how do you lose a guy in just less than two weeks? Is it possible? Well, from my experience, 10 days is long enough. I swear. Call me a liar, but WHATEVER. You're not me, so you don't know the real story. Ha-ha. Anyway, as I was saying, how do you lose a guy in just ten days? My super favorite movie, which I consider classic, give us tips on how to do it.

In the movie “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days”, there was this certain girl named Andie Anderson. She works as a writer in Composure magazine and widely know as the how-to-girl. Aside from doing that, she likes to write about issues—world issues to be exact. However, her boss disapproves the whole idea. She wants her to write about clothes, shoes and whatever “girly” things that are hip and cool. Then, there was this time that they had a staff meeting for their next issue. During that time, she has a friend who just got out of a relationship. Just then, she had a brilliant idea. She shared it with her co-workers. Her idea was what does it take make a guy leave you. It's like a experimental article where she tries to the most needy, clingy and annoying little girlfriend that would blow the guy's mind and leaves the girl. Her boss liked the idea and titled it “How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days”. The boss told Andie that she could write anything she wants if she makes this article a big hit. Andie thought that this might be the biggest break she'll have. She then meets Benjamin Barry, who works in the advertising, who happens to be in a bet with his colleagues—and the price at stake was a very big client. He has to make a girl fall madly in love with him and bring her to a party which their company will be sponsoring. To make this super duper long story short, they did what they have to do, they fell in love with each other, found their secret task, broke up, car chase, and then they got back together—typical love story.

Last week, we were talking about Expectancy Violation Theory (EVT). This was proposed by Judee Burgoon. This theory talks about how an expectation can be destroyed and have negative effects or the other way around. EVT's core concepts are: expectancy, violation valence, and communicator reward valence. What I would like to do is to connect the core concepts using the movie “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days”.

Expectancy. Burgoon and her colleagues defines this core concept as something that is predicted to occur than desired (Griffin, p88). In others, its planned out already. In the film, Andie expected that Ben would leave her if she would be clingy, whiny and needy. She tried all the “don't”'s in a relationship because she expected that this would turn off the guy. On the other hand, Ben's plan was the other way around. His goal was to make Andie fell in love with him and he'd do whatever it takes. So he tries to be more understanding, loving, caring, and showing her a lot of sweet gestures. He knows that these things make a woman fall for any man.

Violation Valence. From the word violation, we picture something that crossed the border or not abiding in rules. Valence, is usually used in Chemistry to have a stable element. If we combine these two words, Judee Burgoon defines it as something positive or negative value we place on a specific unexpected behavior, regardless who does it (Griffin, p89). Going back to the movie, Andie's action towards made Ben stressed and confused that it came to a point that he broke up with her. Since Andie's goal was to irritate Ben, his response was positive to what she was expecting to happen. On Ben's case, he wanted to make Andie fall for him so he did the sweetest thing a woman want from a man. But Ben really did not know if Andie liked him for real. Yet, the way she acts with him was a sign of something positive. She laughs with his jokes and tried to mingled with his family when they visited them. So sum it all, they reacted positively with what the other person was expecting.

Communicator Reward Valence. This last core concept is labeled by Burgoon as the results of our mental audit of likely gains or losses. CRV, is the sum of the positive and negative attributes that the person brings to the encounter plus the potential he or she has to reward or punish in the future (Griffin, p91). So it's like if your impression of the person is positive, then whatever he/she does to you it could still have a positive outcome. But if you don't like that person, even he/she tried to be nice, you'd still think it's fake. Since Ben wanted Andie badly, even she tries to blow his mind off, he tries to understand and forget about it. In Andie's case, she didn't like Ben—before. But as they got to know each other they Andie liked him and she fell for him.

We all have expectations when we met other people. It may be too high that the person we expect to do something might not get it or violate it. So if we like the person, we adjust our standards and lower it for them until both parties would be comfortable. But if we don't?? HA! We interpret this a downfall or a weakness and it's impression on us would be negative. As a result, a failed relationship. There you have it, you just lost him.

“You can't lose something, that you never have.”